Monday, November 19, 2007

Heart Researching

Rev. Randle J. Schmaltznegger, the ebullient American spiritual dynamo, counselor extraordinaire, and evangelist supreme, and big-hearted Christian patriarch has recently devised a spiritual litmus test for churches and Christains. A spokesman for Schmaltznegger says of the test: "Rev Randle’s test consists of a series of carefully crafted and subtle questions about the role of the Holy Spirit in the Christian’s life. Its heart searching depth will challenge the quality of spiritual life in today’s spiritually dry churches that do not benefit from contact with Rev Randle’s anointed ministry"

As I am, of course, anxious to test the spirituality of VNP readers I have, with permission of Schmaltznegger ministries inc., reproduced the test here. Please answer the questions below with either a ‘yes’, ‘no’ or ‘don't know’:

Do you want a massive revival of the Holy Spirit in your church?
Are you looking for a fresh imbuement of God's Spirit?
Do you want to be filled with the Holy Spirit?
Should there be more evangelism in the power of the Holy Spirit?
Do you want the Holy Spirit to come in power to your church?
Should you spend more time praying in the Spirit?
Should all church activities be in the power of the Spirit?
Should your church have more meetings where the power of the Spirit can be received?
Do you need a fresh touch of God's Spirit?
Should you study the Bible more?
Do you need to be more readily guided by the Holy Spirit?
Do you want God to do a new thing in your church?
Do you think we would have more miracles if we were truly in the Spirit?
Do we need the rain of the Spirit to end spiritual dryness?
Do you need a Spiritual blessing?
Do you have a spiritual inferiority complex?
Do you need the Rev. Randle J Schmaltznegger to set aside time to pray for you?
Would you like to contribute to Rev. Randle J Schmaltznegger’s ministry?

This carefully devised survey will certainly sort out the sheep from the goats and provide hitherto unsuspected insights into the Christian community. That's the beauty of research; always discovering things you don't already know. Email your answers to me and I will send them onto to Schmaltznegger ministries where the spiritual lessons will be teased out by a crack army of spiritual guides who have trained under Schmaltznegger. (Please don't forget to include a money order for $100.00) This will help identify spiritual markets... err… issues, that need to be exploited ...err… addressed, by the Spirit filled ministries of Randle J Schmaltznegger, the ebullient American spiritual dynamo, counselor extraordinaire, evangelist supreme, and bigot-hearted Christian patriarch.

No comments: