Dr. Beardsly Bugbeard, liberal and bearded Bishop of Botchester (affectionately called “Bugrug” by his progressive clerics) is updating his diocesan liturgy by encouraging the use of swear words during Sunday worship and sermons in the churches of his diocese.
“We stiff upper lip English”, said the Bishop scratching his beard, “need to connect with our passions and express our feelings. The use of sentence intensifiers in church liturgy is one way we can get our message across and identify with workingmen and women in the community. If expressive expletives are good enough for the noble working classes they ought to be good enough for us middle class church(wo)men”.
The “Johnny Rotten” memoirs are required reading for new curates who ultimately have to sit an examination in the meaning and use of expletives and compose services that make imaginative use of “heavy duty language”. Curates also do a course at Botchester University’s sexology department with the Prof Trevor H. E. Pitts where they can learn the “adult” names of body parts and practices they never dreamed existed. The Good Bishop did the epilogue at the end of Channel four's “Osbourne night”. By the time of the epilogue, however, the bleeping machine had overheated and exploded so Bishop Bugbeard, who refers to bleeping machines as “the enemy of free speech” was able to deliver the full text of his message without censorship. The channel 4 phone lines were crammed by outraged stand up comics whose jokes about prudish church people are now obsolete. When VNP asked the Bishop to comment he said he had no time for a politically incorrect and reactionary blog that promulgates Victorian values. In any case, he said, he had to get to a commissioning service to the swear in a new curate (You bet). Takings at the Bishop's churches, however, have rocketed as he has shown no signs of decommissioning his swear boxes.
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