Friday, October 13, 2006

Moshing Mayhem ... Coming to Your Church Soon

For those of you who like to be set alight spiritually with church action songs, I’ve come across a real corker. Imagine the sights and sounds that might accompany this one:
God has such love, such love,
He lives in heaven above.
God is so big, so big,
bigger than a big fat pig.
We can have lots of fun
because of Jesus His Son.
I want to leap and bound
and just run around, around.
I going to jump and jump,
and tell all I bump.
I’m so happy, so happy,
I could mess my nappy.
I'm going to shout and shout,
like a lager lout.
You’ll get a clout
if you don’t jive about,
and with words inane
praise His name
till an absolute pain,
and then start over again.
If your church tries this one make sure a St. John Ambulance is present before it does. If you are of a nervous disposition or have an easily offended sense of taste I suggest you give church a miss that day. Now that’s something you can do that an all powerful God can’t: when the going really gets embarrassing, corny and tasteless, He, being omnipresent, just can’t slope off but has to stick around and endure it. Long-suffering God? You bet!
Moshe Pit Heaven
Ben's in there somewhere, but I'm damned if I can see him.
Damned? Surely he's not that bad?

(The above article was first published in the June 2001 edition of VNP)


stevie.g said...

I was kind of ok until I got to the nappy bit ! Because I don't have any and wouldn't carry them to church if I did have some!

Anonymous said...

I suppose for nappy, you could substitute linen ephod and when criticised you could claim that you'll become even more undignified and humiliated than this matey

Timothy V Reeves said...

You mean to say Stevie you managed to get past the "big fat pig" bit???

So how about it joolian? In view of what Stevie has said, perhaps we could hand out snugglies with the shakers and rattles.

By the way the nappy business is not so far fetched. Remember me in reporting in one of my articles what Benny Hinn's wife once said?

"If your engines aren't revved up then you need a Holy Ghost enema right up your rear end"

As I went on to say "Clearly the Hinns will be bringing to Norwich a new move of God the like of which has never been seen before - THE BOWEL MOVEMENT BLESSING. See you at the Football ground. Bring a pack of snugglies, you're going to need them".

Don't say I never warned you.