Bent Oddly

Whilst cable channel surfing I happened upon the God channel where yet another revivalist, Canadian Todd Bentley, was doing his stuff. I was peculiarly fascinated as to how it was that this performance, which to me came over as unreal, contrived and phony, could be taken seriously by anyone. The crowd was working itself up into a state of trance like excitement and Bentley, no doubt immensely pleased with his effect, was having a whale of time occasionally giving grunts of delight (yes, he has the idiosyncrasy of jubilantly grunting). He worked his way down a line of blessing seekers, shouting out “Bam!” and “Kapow!” as they successively and submissively collapsed at his touch. Occasionally Bentley would come across someone who had failed to catch on and was stupid enough to believe that this really was an involuntary act and did not fall without Bentley helping with a firm push. There is such a fuzzy distinction in these believers minds between being open to a “move of God” and showing faith in that “move” by moving one’s self, that they could attain a thoroughly genuine belief in a scene they themselves had voluntarily created. “Who was manipulating who?” I thought. This man Bentley believes in himself because the crowd believes in him, and the crowd believes in him because he believes in himself and because of the effects they are delivering at his call. It might have been billed as a revival fire meeting but the camera was not picking up any of the tongues of fire mentioned in Acts 2!

In the following days I forgot all about Bentley as I have lost count of the number of times I have seen a gullible crowd serving up the performance the speaker is looking for, thus entrapping the ego of the speaker in their delusion. But when my July issue of “Christianity” magazine came through the door there he was, Todd Bentley gracing the front of the Magazine. I have no idea why Bentley, amongst many other tacky religious showmen, should have been singled out, except that the editor of the magazine had just happened to start watching God TV and caught Bentley performing. The editor, John Buckeridge, says of Bentley’s meetings “Many believe a significant movement of Holy Spirit is taking place” – well I could have told you that John; just ask the thousands of Bentley’s followers, or the followers of any other stirring religious figurehead choosen at random. How many other “moves of the Spirit” have we missed because John Buckeridge didn't look at cable TV? However, John has reservations; or does he? He is unable to dismiss Bentley because in his opinion Biblical prophets sometimes did bizarre things – or at least in John’s 21st century eyes separated by millennia from the context and symbolism of the times in which those prophets lived.

So here’s the lesson folks: never question at all what a crowd-preacher coupling serves up no matter how bizarre because you never know it might be from God. In the threatening words of Rev Mark Stibbe who has been to “catch the fire” at Bentley’s meeting (what fire?) “Be very careful not to commit the unforgivable sin – namely blaspheming against the Holy Spirit”. Great! That means just about anything goes and that is music to the ears for the Rev John Bilgewater of Twerpington who instigated the infamous ‘times of release blessing’ during his services. Basically this blessing involves releasing bowel wind, preferabley loudly, in order to release bad spirits and show submission to the Lord. According to the members of Bilgewater’s church the bowel gas loses its bad smell as evil influences are expelled. As was reported in the April 2003 paper copy of VNP, according to Bilgewater you can’t have serious Christainity until the whole personality has had a good dressing down from top to bottom, so to speak; The blessings of the Spirit can only be experienced by those who radically relinquish the right to dictate the terms of their conversion or hold any dignity which Bilgewater always equates with pride.

So Mr John Buckeridge Sir, please can you do an article in “Christainity” on John Bilgewater and spread the word about the latest revival at Twerpington?